Solstice Thoughts

I've gotten out of habit, spiritually, and I can't stand it. I'm not a 'spiritual' person, as the word may imply by societal standards, in the sense that I attend church and set aside devotion time everyday, and I can't even tell you that I believe in "god". If I do, it's not your god..it's mine. "It" is not a figure, male or female. "It" doesn't watch over me and keep me safe. I don't pray to "It" for forgiveness and guidance. I may confide in this 'deity' at times and look to it for answers, and I may feel that there is an underlying current in the way life works. But, these things cannot be defined by a single book or dogma; in fact, they cannot even be defined or limited to words or man-made definitions.

If it had a gender, for the sake of personification, then it would be a woman. A mother. She is that which gives life, and from whom nurturing flows in abundance without expectation..much like our own real-life mothers. But, short of sounding like I'm touting some religion I don't affiliate with, and/or know enough about to do so, I prefer not to place my spirituality into such realms. I may frequently refer the The Great Mother, but only because it conveys my vast and deep respect for the earth and everything contained within it, including the cycles and lessons to be witnessed and learned, in three simple words.

I have, in the past, celebrated with fervor, the coming and going of the seasons; the moon's waxing and waning; the sun's rising and setting. I would host parties for celebration and congregation of sorts, or escape to the river for "church" time, or simply go for a walk and "talk" to the moon. Sounds a bit hoakie, but whatever. A lot of Christian habits and rituals sound silly to me too.

It seems to me that my deviance, however, began when I moved from my small hometown of Brainerd, where the moon and stars were plainly visible, to the "bustling" city of Minneapolis, where buildings and cars are obstructions and distractions from such simple beauty. Don't hear me saying that "I've changed" due to the move, and that I'm not myself anymore and therefor chose the wrong place to live, because that's not what I'm trying to convey here. I've just gotten off track. It's easy to do, I suppose, here, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to get back to what was real and true to me. I may just have to try a little harder. In order that I may see the moon and stars at night, it may involve a trek out of the city, to see them...it could become ritual. After all, ritual is one of the strongest aspects of organized religion that, in my opinion, we "non-conformists" miss out on. I live not too far from a river, so I just have to make it a habit to find my own place near it, to visit often, until the day comes that I can live close enough to it that it influences my daily life.



Winter seems to be the time to reflect, and I'm certainly doing that today, on Winter's Birthday. Or, should I say, the Sun's Birthday (welcome back light!)? It was only, perhaps, 5 years ago that I started realizing the significance of Winter, and all of the power held within its silence and calm. Before that, Winter was agonizing and frigid, and I was one of many Minnesotans who complained about the weather as soon as the first snow flew. One Winter, I guess, it just dawned on me that I wasn't taking it for what it was. I wasn't living in the moment, with the season. Each season has its "reasons" and I believe what belongs to this one is calm reflection. I truly believe that this is why we have New Years resolutions - just as much as it's about a new calendar year, it's also the perfect time - if you've taken advantage of this time - to seek out your own answers to your life, to see the past year in the light anew, and to look forward with new ideas, goals and a fresh beginning.

A haircut on the horizon

So, I'm going to get my haircut, finally (I've been saying it for a few weeks now). I have a general idea of what I want, and the pictures below best convey what I'm seeing in my mind. I think I'm hesitating to get it cut - even thought it irritates the crap out of me most days, and ends up tied back - because it's quite long right now.

Longer, in fact, than it's been in thirteen years. Yep, thirteen years! It was the end of 1995, beginning of 1996 that I was in my first year of college, and my hair went from very close to what it is now (even a similar style, gasp!) to shoulder-length. By the time I started my second year of college, my hair was completely chopped off (you know what I mean). It was liberating, to say the least, to be done with the hair! To not have to worry about dealing with the long, thick stuff was, at long last, a relief I didn't even know I needed. A weight had been lifted! I never really had a knack (or, know-how) for doing my hair, for taking advantage of its length and thickness, to do some really fun and interesting things with the help of product and accoutrements. Nor did I have a desire to learn.

This time around (after having had short hair for so long, I finally made the growing out thing happen), I am having more fun with my hair. It's gotten to be quite wavy as I've gotten older, and it really doesn't take much effort to make it pretty. Especially on good days, which are few and far between, I am quite proud of how my hair looks when I leave the house. But, because it's heavy and thick, it's only really pretty for an hour or two. Then it falls flat and looks dull and uninspired. Everyone who "knows" my hair, say it's beautiful. One of my dearest friends even calls it "goddess hair". It's really not that nice! Pretty, sometimes, yes. But not spectacular.

When I had short hair, I was proud of it. I was proud to not be hiding behind my hair, and that I didn't need a full head of hair to be considered "pretty". With the short hair, I got more compliments on my eyes and my smile than I have in the 2 1/2 years I've been growing my hair out. I attribute that, of course, somewhat to the fact that I haven't really grown into my hair yet, and I just haven't found a style that accentuates my eyes, etc.

So, I'm setting out to find a haircut that keeps some of the length I've worked so hard to attain (by "working so hard", I mean not getting frustrated and chopping it off every other day for at least the first year and a half of growing it out), but gives me a style that is "me". I really feel, in my heart of hearts, that having short hair is the only time I've ever really felt like "me". But I'm willing to give this a try a little bit longer..the longer hair thing.

So, this is what I'm thinking:










Not really sure what's going on here in specific hair cutting terms, but I like the shape. It seems to take advantage of the thicker, fuller hair type, and I like the idea of the long in the front, at least at the sides. I'm not really wanting long, long bangs. They'll just irritate me. Which is why I like the next two...














This is really adorable. Just not sure I could pull it off. I love the asymmetry and the random, organic layers. It has a fun shape, and this girl obviously has natural wave like I do, so I'm sure my hair would take on similar movement.



This is probably my favorite, in the sense that it has all of the things I like: the wave, the asymmetry again, and it keeps some length (it could probably be adjusted to have even more length, especially on the longer side).


I remember when I had short hair, the only reason I ever wanted to grow it out was so that I could try some fun hairstyles like these. Hairstyles that were a little longer. But I could never muster up the patience to grow it out long enough to do one of these types of styles. And, now that it's long, I'm afraid to cut too much.

Ah! It's so silly. It's just hair!

I'll be sure and post pictures of the new hair when it's done. I'm excited to see what we come up with!

The Cure

Our apartment has been "cured"!

For those of you unfamiliar (which is many, I'm sure), over at Apartment Therapy (one of my favorite sites to visit daily), they do this thing called The Cure every Fall and Spring. It's a way to really look at your home and how you use it; deep cleaning, editing your belongings, purging (see: outbox) and making changes to necessitate healthy, happy living within your sanctuary.

This is something that really spoke to me, when I learned of it, because our apartment was in dire need of some organizing and editing. But also, as an aspiring designer, our place was an embarrassment! I've always been able to pride myself on having a nice, welcoming home, even without a lot of money for the things I "really" wanted (I've never had money, so things I want come from thrift stores and garage sales). I didn't want anyone to come and visit us in our new place, which was sad, because it's such a cool place. Hardwood floors, french doors from the living room to the kitchen, steam radiators, lots of windows, a built in cupboard. I fell in love the moment I walked in to see it, and it was a shame I didn't want anyone to come and see it once we moved in.

I'd been checking into AT since last Spring, and came in just as the Spring Cure was in full force. It intrigued me, and I was determined to be a part of it come Fall. It worked out well, too, that we had moved into our new apartment back in April, and by Fall, we had settled in. Albeit, settled into some horrible routines, and not quite "getting" how to use our space to suit all of our needs. I was determined to make this Cure, even though I'd be coming into it two weeks late, due to the fact that I was getting married the first week and honeymooning the second!

The Cure works like this: 1)Pick up the book by AT's founder Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, poignantly called Apartment Therapy (I bought mine, used, for like 8 bucks); 2)Become a member of the Flickr pool and start uploading "before" pictures (if you dare), and, more pictures as you go, to show/share your progress 3)Follow the tasks in the book for each week, for a total of 8 weeks. There's a start date, so that everyone can follow along at relatively the same pace in the same time frame. The final week is getting the place ready for a party.

AT, online, is a good source for inspiration, but the Flickr group is even better, with everyone chiming in to motivate one another through group discussions and picture comments. It's nice to see that other people (yes, even cool people) are messy and disorganized, and often times lose their way in creating a lovely home for themselves. And, it's fun to see the progress everyone is making, as well as your own. I found it very inspiring and motivating to see my own home in pictures, posted up there for all to see. It helped me to really evaluate what I was seeing, since I can so often dismiss things I see everyday. It's usually the things that get dismissed - you know, the stuff that just sits there in the background - that we don't even use or like. So they should go away! (Stop cluttering up your space, your energy, your mind!)

It's funny, I don't think I learned anything new from the book. He talks in a very "feng shui" manner, which has always made sense to me. And to really be a part of your home - well, that's a given in my book. It was just helpful to have "someone" helping me stick to the things I've learned and actually put them into practice. I've always believed in the old adage "A place for everything, and everything in its place". And, I agree with William Morris when he said, "Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful". All of these ideas I believe in were just confirmed in the book, and the step-by-step process helped me get the job done!

I've pulled a lot of my "before" pictures from Flickr (they only allow you so much storage before they ask that you pay for it, understandably, and I have a lot of wedding pictures up right now), if not all of them. So, I'm posting some before and after shots here.

Our office is in the living room, so it's absolutely essential that it be "contained" and not an eyesore. Unfortunately, we didn't have any systems in place for a long time, and it got out of hand very quickly. Hence the need for The Cure. Now we have a "landing strip" that works, and the space is edited and organized. A work in progress, it's much better than it was. Out with the chaos, in with the peace:) Finally!

A minor rearrangement and the addition of mirrors make for huge improvements in the kitchen. This tiny space is truly a joy to be in now. Really.

And, hey, my pic's got noticed on Flickr, and ended up on AT's main page the other day! How cool is that?

The linen closet was just ridiculously out of hand. Now it's organized and everything is accessible. So simple, so wonderful:)

I'm so proud of myself, even if what you see isn't outstanding or as stylish as a designer's home "should be". I made progress, and my home feels good to be in. AND, it functions! That is so very important. I'm looking forward to the Spring Cure, where I'll be focusing more on the design-end of things, specifically our bedroom. Come join us this Spring! You'll be glad you did:)

Happy Christmas!

Michael and I decided that this past Sunday was to be the day to make our little apartment festive for the holiday season. Our decorating - and any other holiday activities - will be done with sustainability in mind. Leaving as small an ecological footprint as possible is really important to us, and the holiday season is no exception. In fact, it's the perfect time of year to make that a priority.

We set out to the farmers market on Saturday, and picked up the cutest little tree. It really is tiny, about 3 feet high. Before getting a real tree, we went back and forth on whether or not that was a good idea, and finally found a ton of information online that confirmed for us that real is okay. In fact, it's better than artificial. Of course, we don't have to have a tree at all, and we may not always get one.

Contrary to what most folks have on their tree (myself in years past, included), we have committed to only having ornaments that mean something. Whether they were given as gifts to one or both of us, or were handed down..whatever. They're all personal.

I'm amazed at how little I'm affected by the pull to head out to Target for the latest decorations, only to want a different "theme" throughout the house every year, which was certainly not the case in years past. Only in the last year have we limited our shopping at big box stores, and kept our money in our community. Before that, I was like a crack addict for Target, and Michael didn't buy any of his clothes anywhere except Express. Don't get me started on the weekly trips to IKEA!

Simplifying our life means simplifying all holiday "stuff" around the house, as well as the tree. Michael made paper rings out of some papers we had sitting around, and I made some snow flakes to hang in the window (sounds juvenile, but it really is fun and satisfying). We already had a few strings of lights, and of course, they wouldn't all fit on our tiny tree. We strung one around the front windows and one is lighting the perimeter of our bedroom. Having picked up our tree at the St. Paul Farmers Market, I also eyed some dogwood being sold there, so I bought a bundle to spread around the house.

Michael has blogged about "greening" your holidays, over at his blog, Uptown Green. For more ideas and inspiration, take a peek.

Happy (green) holidays!!

The end of a job

The Scane/Thomas job was my first job, on my own. They "followed" me, if you will, as I departed from my last job.

I met Jerry and Andrea while working a home and garden show last fall ('07), at the NKBA "garage sale". Jerry and Andrea looked like an average couple, wandering through, trying to make sense of things. They asked me my opinion on a kitchen sink, and proceeded to tell me they were building a house and it became painfully obvious they were extremely overwhelmed with all of the decisions they were having to make. We immediately got along well and they were so appreciative of my help. I had dropped a bit of a sales pitch (without really meaning it), and let them know that if they need help with the cabinetry, or really any part of the design, they should call and set up an appointment to visit our showroom. Since they were already in the process of building, and were at the stage of purchasing fixtures and so forth, I figured there wasn't really anything we could do for them.

On the contrary. To my surprise, they did call to set up an appointment. I initially met with them and attained plans, and discussed what they would like help with. Usually, after that point, they would meet with my boss and she would take over from there, but this time she kindly allowed me to "take the job". We worked together really well, and I came up with some beautiful drawings for them. And, though they decided to go with their builders' cabinet maker (later we found out that was a mistake, unfortunately), they did choose to continue to work with me further to keep all of the design details, such as finish and lighting selections, in order, as well as to do the running and shopping for all of those things. They paid for 64 of my hours, for a total of $5000(!).

I couldn't have asked for a better job. Jerry and Andrea were building a new house, with the intent to make it look and feel like it had always "been there", with architectural details reminiscent of an old four-square. I can't tell you how long I had dreamed of doing something like this (though, I prefer to work with the real thing). Throughout the process, my ideas were so well received. Jerry and Andrea were ecstatic about every little detail I had thought of, as they had wanted such enthusiasm from the time they started the project, but their builder had evidently not delivered in that regard. I guess they got exactly what they paid for, and it was a perfect fit for both parties.

Coincidentally, their 64 hours was up right around the time I was to be done with my employment. I had pretty much figured that that was the end of my working relationship with Jerry and Andrea. But, low and behold, they contacted me and requested that I help them further, shortly after I left my job.

Today was (probably) my last day working on their project. And I didn't even get to see them. I went out to meet a couple of installers in the morning, and now my part is basically done. I'm going to miss working with them, as they are truly a wonderful couple. And, when it comes down to it, the easiest people to work with. When they knew what they wanted, they said as much, but otherwise left it up to me - which was most of the time. They spent money where it was worth spending money, but they weren't frivolous. And you would never guess by meeting them that they have money. Perfect clients.

The Miller Project

This is a project I'm actually quite proud of, so I thought I would share some pictures. Since I haven't gotten pictures of the completed space yet, these are before/during construction.



A wall separated the kitchen from the living space, and made both rooms feel rather closed up. The homeowners liked the idea of a 'great room', so we took the wall down to half and added a post for support (supporting wall). The openness of the kitchen now makes it feel as if your in a completely different house.




The cooking end of the kitchen remained as such, but with some wonderful changes. Aside from the obvious update to stainless, we've introduced a venting hood that has a little bit of style, and replaced the venting micro (eesh) with a GE Spacemaker (I love these - they fit perfectly into an upper cabinet). Julie is often host to large family gatherings, so she needed to keep a second oven. We just moved it down to a base cabinet so she could gain some needed counter top space. During my visit, she was testing the oven by baking some cookies. (of course, she sent home a half a dozen with me, and they almost didn't make it home to share with the hubby!)




This is the other side of that wall that was shortened. On this side, we've added a seating area, with benches that double as storage for lesser used items. We had the seat cushions and back padding custom-made (can't wait to get pic's of this finished), and her existing chairs' seats were reupholstered. Along with the cherry, and the granite table top, the introduction of some yummy fabrics really raise the "class" bar in this space.




A general "peek" into the kitchen, before and essentially after. What a change! The old 70's rambler kitchen with its peninsula and poorly designed layout needed to be swapped out for function and some aesthetic appeal. I think we accomplished that.

Other things they did with their main floor have really altered it to such a degree that it literally feels like a new home, such as:

-Ripped up the old, tattered wood floor in the kitchen and the teal(eesh!) carpet in the rest of the space, and replaced it all with some new hardwood. Granted, it was pre-finished (not my call), but it is absolutely fabulous!

-Painted all of the walls in Benjamin Moore's Wilmington Tan (HC-34). This is such a warm, rich neutral, I've used it several times now. It's just one of those tans that can go in nearly any space..not to yellow, not too gray. Perfect!

-Opened up the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room a few feet wider. And a few feet is all it takes to make the dining room feel like it is now a part of the kitchen, yet still its own space.

-Also in the dining space, the old single door leading to the deck is now a set of two doors in the French Door style, with blinds concealed between the panes of glass. Again, more light coming into the space, with the added benefit of blinds that never get dirty.

-The addition of crown molding at the ceiling throughout the main space. If you're familiar with this style of house (I think most of us are; if you haven't owned one, you probably at least grew up in one), you know that the builder-spec home style of the 70's and 80's does not lend itself to..well, style. At all. The introduction of crown molding leads you to believe it isn't one of these after all.

-Updated the fireplace with a mantel made of the same cherry as in the kitchen, and installed some of the tile used at the back splash in the kitchen, on the face and hearth.

I hope to get pictures of all of these wonderful changes very soon!

Work..I need it

Back in April, I quit my full time job at a kitchen design firm to start my own business. Well, lets be honest. I quit my job - this particular job - because I value my sanity. Work place tension, between my coworker and our boss, had gotten to be too much to bear. And, among other things, the boss had a very strange sense of showing appreciation..as in, she didn't, and the coworker was so ego-driven and caught up in her own life stuff to really apply herself at work. I was caught in the middle of them a lot of the time. I had attempted to quit once before (without having consulted my then-fiance), because I was so "done". The boss convinced me that I was a valued member of "the family". So I gave it another 6 months, and grew all the more tired of the bullshit..to put it bluntly.

Michael convinced me, through much discussion, that I should just start my own design business. Scary as it sounded, I thought it better than the alternative (making someone else money with my talents and good ideas, being in an office with people I don't really like, driving 25 minutes each way, and taking it all out on the person I love dearly when I come home every evening). I realize others may have it worse than that, and I'm not one to just bail because it gets difficult. I've never not worked, as long as I've been able. And, the last thing I wanted was to be "supported". But, the desire to do things my way really pushed me to say "okay" to the idea.

It was tough going at first. Didn't have anything going on, and didn't have the money to put into advertising. I got a couple of hits off of craigslist, of all places, and a couple I had worked with at that kitchen design job decided to hire me on personally. I'm still working for that couple - very nearly done, and their builder got me another job that should be wrapped up soon as well (the picture is of the kitchen job I got through the builder; shown during construction, of course).

Needless to say, I'm not exactly "making a living". I had this little bit of work for a while, and I really started to feel like "I can do this!". But, I've lost my momentum. I don't feel driven lately. And I don't know where to find it. I just don't have the confidence to do this on my own, I guess. To put myself out there, and say (out loud, mind you), "Hire me, I'm good!!". On some levels, I really feel that I am good. I love doing it, and I always get on with the clients really well (really - they hug me before leaving their home). I have no doubt that this is the line of work that I'm meant to do. I just don't know what to do or how to do it, when it comes to getting new clients.

Another problem, aside from the lack of confidence, is that I'm too choosy. I know I should accept any and all jobs that may come my way, and I have thus far. But, if I had it my way, I would work with people who have the money to do a small remodel, maybe even have a mind to do it sustainably (my ultimate goal), and are genuinely nice people.

I just feel as though I fall between two classes of people who are looking to make improvements to their homes. I've worked with people that have money coming out their ears, and to be honest, it's not for me. Interior Design, in its nature, is a wasteful industry. And, usually people with money couldn't care less about throwing out perfectly good cabinets or furniture for something shiny and new, just to be able to brag about it. The people who have never had a lot of money and couldn't see themselves just throwing something away, don't usually have the money to make the necessary improvements to their home. So, who do I work with?

As an aside: with the economy being in such a downturn now, and the idea of recession - if not depression - looming, I often wonder what the hell I'm doing trying to get money out of hardworking individuals for something as menial as design? Don't get me wrong, design is important. Good design can make a house a home, it can bring out the best qualities of a space once thought of as hopeless. It can inspire, calm, rejuvenate..all the things "home" is supposed to do. But, who has the money to remodel a kitchen, or hire someone to help them "decorate" right now? The folks with a crap ton of money, that's who.


Soooo....


I'm hoping to get a job. I'm not going to stop taking clients, should I get them. I just need a steady income and a place to go everyday. I love being home during the day, believe me! I truly cherish the fact that I can be home with my cats and my things, and do housework as well as design work on my own schedule. And, during this time, I've realized just how much I want to be the one taking care of our home. I really love the thought of being part time designer, part time housewife. I've applied to a sales position at IKEA, of all places. Michael suggested it, and it didn't take much thought to realize it was a great idea. We both love the place, and used to go quite a bit - every weekend at one point (as-is section, baby!). Now that we've adopted a simpler life, one that is much less about consumption, we don't go very often. I wouldn't mind being in that environment 20 hours a week, and I really appreciate their business ethics. I'm hoping that it will be a position from which to move into something more design related, such as displays or kitchens. Hey, maybe they'll even stick me right into the kitchen department! I'm actually quite excited about the idea of working there, and trying not to get ahead of myself.

Ask for what you want

I started writing in a journal yesterday. Not just writing for the sake of writing (that is kind of what this blogging stuff is all about, isn't it?). This journal writing is different. A little background...

I was inspired by a visit to my hometown of Brainerd, a couple of months ago, and stopping by a favorite downtown shop (there are too few anymore). This place, charmingly called Cat Tales, is a locally owned bookstore, with some really wonderful little treasures inside (not ALL cat-oriented, but mostly), aside from new and used books. I don't know the owners very well, but I've always had wonderful conversations with Jerry, who is - to say the least - just downright cool. He's, I'm guessing, fifty-something, very earthy and spiritual, and - to be honest - pretty sexy for his age. It's always been quite easy and comfortable to chat with Jerry about everything, from business to local food to spirituality.

Upon this visit, however, I was surprised to see Jerry's wife working. Only because she's rarely there, as she's always seemed to be quite a busy person (she is, after all, a novelist, as well as a mom and a shop owner). This day, I hardly recognized her, for she had lost a lot of weight, and died her hair from its natural gray-streaked black to blond(!). Quite surprised (pleasantly) by the change, I complimented her after saying hello, and we almost immediately warmed to each other, and began to engage in some really wonderful conversation.

Wendy seemingly found me easy to talk to and confide in, for she began to tell me a story about a woman she had met, and through telling this story, began to choke up several times. We had been talking about my upcoming wedding, and how much in love with my then-fiance I am, and how good we are for each other. I could tell that Wendy had had some hardship in her life over the years (being a bit of an intuitive myself, I could have told you this years ago, without having ever had a conversation with the woman). She told me that this woman came to see her, and told her that she had no reason to visit her, except that something in the back of her mind had told her to do so. Something had been telling her to visit this place called Cat Tales, and to speak with the owner. And, when she did, Wendy was so moved that she opened up to the stranger. This woman then told her that (in my words, not hers) she has to get out of her own way, and get her life back in order. She suggested to Wendy, that she find a beautiful journal - the most beautiful journal you've ever seen - and start writing in it. But what she would write is just as important as the aesthetic appeal of the journal itself. She was to open up that book, everyday, in a peaceful place (both physically and mentally) and write the same sentence over and over. "Ask for what you want", is essentially what she'd be writing. She was to write this sentence until it came to fruition, however long it took. A daily reminder, if you will, of what you're looking for.

I took this story, and the advice she gave to Wendy, and tucked it away in my "things to do". The idea of it was so appealing to me, because I believe in the power of writing. I believe that, by writing something, over and over and over, you mold it in your subconscious and it soon becomes that tape recorder playing over and over without your conscious doing. You know, the tape recorder we all have...it either tells us we're not good enough, or we'll never amount to anything, or maybe even that we are better than everyone else (that ego sure gets in the way a lot, doesn't it?). We don't always know where these things come from, but they were put there at a very important time in our life, and they just keep playing, over and over...and we believe them. So, why not change what the recorder is shooting out at you everyday, and make it something positive?

At one time I had a small "talisman" of sorts (at least, that's how I viewed it), which I - oddly enough - picked up at Cat Tales years ago. It was a solid chunk of metal, formed into a goddess shape. On the back was engraved "Ask for what you want"(!). I carried this talisman with me a lot, and started establishing a ritual, several months back. Mind you, I'm not a religious person. I wouldn't even be able to say to you that I believe in "god". I'm not a non-believer. I just don't know, and I'm okay with that. I do, however, believe that being spiritually balanced and centered is one of the keys to a healthy life, everyone just has to find their own path in order for it to be 'real'. One thing I miss from "religion" is ritual. The daily or weekly reading from a book, and learning from its spiritual guiding, gathering together in congregation to lift one anothers' spirits, etc. So, this ritual I started for myself was to walk to my favorite morning coffee shop, sit down with my talisman in hand and read from my "bible", Women Who Run With The Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

I had recently lossed said talisman, and shortly thereafter got "too busy" for my ritual. I soon began placing work and wedding planning at the top of the priority list, and lost sight of my daily spiritual lift. Well, with the wedding over, work being slow-to-nonexistent, and Winter setting in...I've decided it's time to re-establish something that speaks to my spirit and helps get to a place where happiness and contentedness overflows and can therefor feed me in times of need.

So, this is what I've decided to do. I've decided to ask for what I want, from myself first. To write in my journal everyday, over and over and over, until I realize that what I'm asking for is in fact mine to take. Mine to realize. It may take a while, but I'll be more than willing to share, through this blog, whether or not it worked. Who knows, perhaps you'll be witness to it actually "working", right here!