Work..I need it

Back in April, I quit my full time job at a kitchen design firm to start my own business. Well, lets be honest. I quit my job - this particular job - because I value my sanity. Work place tension, between my coworker and our boss, had gotten to be too much to bear. And, among other things, the boss had a very strange sense of showing appreciation..as in, she didn't, and the coworker was so ego-driven and caught up in her own life stuff to really apply herself at work. I was caught in the middle of them a lot of the time. I had attempted to quit once before (without having consulted my then-fiance), because I was so "done". The boss convinced me that I was a valued member of "the family". So I gave it another 6 months, and grew all the more tired of the bullshit..to put it bluntly.

Michael convinced me, through much discussion, that I should just start my own design business. Scary as it sounded, I thought it better than the alternative (making someone else money with my talents and good ideas, being in an office with people I don't really like, driving 25 minutes each way, and taking it all out on the person I love dearly when I come home every evening). I realize others may have it worse than that, and I'm not one to just bail because it gets difficult. I've never not worked, as long as I've been able. And, the last thing I wanted was to be "supported". But, the desire to do things my way really pushed me to say "okay" to the idea.

It was tough going at first. Didn't have anything going on, and didn't have the money to put into advertising. I got a couple of hits off of craigslist, of all places, and a couple I had worked with at that kitchen design job decided to hire me on personally. I'm still working for that couple - very nearly done, and their builder got me another job that should be wrapped up soon as well (the picture is of the kitchen job I got through the builder; shown during construction, of course).

Needless to say, I'm not exactly "making a living". I had this little bit of work for a while, and I really started to feel like "I can do this!". But, I've lost my momentum. I don't feel driven lately. And I don't know where to find it. I just don't have the confidence to do this on my own, I guess. To put myself out there, and say (out loud, mind you), "Hire me, I'm good!!". On some levels, I really feel that I am good. I love doing it, and I always get on with the clients really well (really - they hug me before leaving their home). I have no doubt that this is the line of work that I'm meant to do. I just don't know what to do or how to do it, when it comes to getting new clients.

Another problem, aside from the lack of confidence, is that I'm too choosy. I know I should accept any and all jobs that may come my way, and I have thus far. But, if I had it my way, I would work with people who have the money to do a small remodel, maybe even have a mind to do it sustainably (my ultimate goal), and are genuinely nice people.

I just feel as though I fall between two classes of people who are looking to make improvements to their homes. I've worked with people that have money coming out their ears, and to be honest, it's not for me. Interior Design, in its nature, is a wasteful industry. And, usually people with money couldn't care less about throwing out perfectly good cabinets or furniture for something shiny and new, just to be able to brag about it. The people who have never had a lot of money and couldn't see themselves just throwing something away, don't usually have the money to make the necessary improvements to their home. So, who do I work with?

As an aside: with the economy being in such a downturn now, and the idea of recession - if not depression - looming, I often wonder what the hell I'm doing trying to get money out of hardworking individuals for something as menial as design? Don't get me wrong, design is important. Good design can make a house a home, it can bring out the best qualities of a space once thought of as hopeless. It can inspire, calm, rejuvenate..all the things "home" is supposed to do. But, who has the money to remodel a kitchen, or hire someone to help them "decorate" right now? The folks with a crap ton of money, that's who.


Soooo....


I'm hoping to get a job. I'm not going to stop taking clients, should I get them. I just need a steady income and a place to go everyday. I love being home during the day, believe me! I truly cherish the fact that I can be home with my cats and my things, and do housework as well as design work on my own schedule. And, during this time, I've realized just how much I want to be the one taking care of our home. I really love the thought of being part time designer, part time housewife. I've applied to a sales position at IKEA, of all places. Michael suggested it, and it didn't take much thought to realize it was a great idea. We both love the place, and used to go quite a bit - every weekend at one point (as-is section, baby!). Now that we've adopted a simpler life, one that is much less about consumption, we don't go very often. I wouldn't mind being in that environment 20 hours a week, and I really appreciate their business ethics. I'm hoping that it will be a position from which to move into something more design related, such as displays or kitchens. Hey, maybe they'll even stick me right into the kitchen department! I'm actually quite excited about the idea of working there, and trying not to get ahead of myself.