Solstice Thoughts

I've gotten out of habit, spiritually, and I can't stand it. I'm not a 'spiritual' person, as the word may imply by societal standards, in the sense that I attend church and set aside devotion time everyday, and I can't even tell you that I believe in "god". If I do, it's not your god..it's mine. "It" is not a figure, male or female. "It" doesn't watch over me and keep me safe. I don't pray to "It" for forgiveness and guidance. I may confide in this 'deity' at times and look to it for answers, and I may feel that there is an underlying current in the way life works. But, these things cannot be defined by a single book or dogma; in fact, they cannot even be defined or limited to words or man-made definitions.

If it had a gender, for the sake of personification, then it would be a woman. A mother. She is that which gives life, and from whom nurturing flows in abundance without expectation..much like our own real-life mothers. But, short of sounding like I'm touting some religion I don't affiliate with, and/or know enough about to do so, I prefer not to place my spirituality into such realms. I may frequently refer the The Great Mother, but only because it conveys my vast and deep respect for the earth and everything contained within it, including the cycles and lessons to be witnessed and learned, in three simple words.

I have, in the past, celebrated with fervor, the coming and going of the seasons; the moon's waxing and waning; the sun's rising and setting. I would host parties for celebration and congregation of sorts, or escape to the river for "church" time, or simply go for a walk and "talk" to the moon. Sounds a bit hoakie, but whatever. A lot of Christian habits and rituals sound silly to me too.

It seems to me that my deviance, however, began when I moved from my small hometown of Brainerd, where the moon and stars were plainly visible, to the "bustling" city of Minneapolis, where buildings and cars are obstructions and distractions from such simple beauty. Don't hear me saying that "I've changed" due to the move, and that I'm not myself anymore and therefor chose the wrong place to live, because that's not what I'm trying to convey here. I've just gotten off track. It's easy to do, I suppose, here, but that doesn't mean it's impossible to get back to what was real and true to me. I may just have to try a little harder. In order that I may see the moon and stars at night, it may involve a trek out of the city, to see them...it could become ritual. After all, ritual is one of the strongest aspects of organized religion that, in my opinion, we "non-conformists" miss out on. I live not too far from a river, so I just have to make it a habit to find my own place near it, to visit often, until the day comes that I can live close enough to it that it influences my daily life.



Winter seems to be the time to reflect, and I'm certainly doing that today, on Winter's Birthday. Or, should I say, the Sun's Birthday (welcome back light!)? It was only, perhaps, 5 years ago that I started realizing the significance of Winter, and all of the power held within its silence and calm. Before that, Winter was agonizing and frigid, and I was one of many Minnesotans who complained about the weather as soon as the first snow flew. One Winter, I guess, it just dawned on me that I wasn't taking it for what it was. I wasn't living in the moment, with the season. Each season has its "reasons" and I believe what belongs to this one is calm reflection. I truly believe that this is why we have New Years resolutions - just as much as it's about a new calendar year, it's also the perfect time - if you've taken advantage of this time - to seek out your own answers to your life, to see the past year in the light anew, and to look forward with new ideas, goals and a fresh beginning.